I volunteer occasionally (and I mean occasionally due to my motorcycle obsession) at a local pregnancy care center. My position is to teach parenting skills to Fathers. Mostly new Fathers who have no experience with issues from pregnancy to adolescence. As part of the program we use a video series that covers a wide range of topics on the progression of pregnancy development and then dealing with raising infants and young children. There is some great content. Very eye opening.
But here is the thing. It is just as eye opening for me as it is the new Father. I find myself watching these videos and realizing the mistakes I made in raising my own children. Most of it involves losing my temper. Video after video explains how to manage situations without losing your cool. I would have to say I had very little “cool” to begin with. When my kids were young Elise and I were just starting a new veterinary practice and had purchased our first home. To supplement our income while waiting for the practice to take off, we had to work part time positions in other practices that needed some extra help. To say we were stressed is merely scratching the surface. This stress led to me often taking out my frustrations on the kids. Hey yelling worked for my Father. Who am I to question generations of failed anger management?
So as I watch experts giving advice on how we should handle difficult circumstances, I begin to feel regret welling up inside. I can confidently say that I “Lamented” my behavior. What exactly does that word mean…Lament? Well, when used as a verb, it means:
To feel or express deep sorrow or regret
I can certainly identify with that definition. The feeling that I wanted to roll back the clock and parent my children using this new found knowledge and understanding. But the word Lament can also be used as a noun:
A mournful cry, poem, or song (such as a dirge or elegy)
And this is what we have in our first reading from the book of, you guessed it, Lamentations. This Old Testament work does not often appear in our Catholic Scriptural rotation. Maybe because it is so downright depressing. It brings “Woe is me to a whole new level” I haven’t whined as much as the author of Lamentations since I spent a year begging for my first mini bike. But there is some justification for all the complaining. The book highlights the goings on following the destruction of the first Temple by the Babylonians during the 6th Century BC. Years and years of prophetic warning to the people of what was coming as a result of their sinful behavior went largely ignored. The sense is that the people knew that they were not obedient to God’s word but there was an underlying belief that it didn’t matter. That there would be no consequences of their sin. But the Babylonians convinced them otherwise. The destruction of the temple, of Jerusalem and the exile of much of the city’s population was an unimaginable upheaval of their society.
There are consequences to our behavior. Both my daughters live overseas and I can’t help but think that, to a large degree, it was related to my fits of anger as they grew up. I know I left New Jersey for Illinois in some respects, to escape the tension in my house growing up. So we don’t get to see our children or grandchildren as often as we would like. And conversations are via computer rather than in person. Often resulting in misunderstandings.
We are all human. And, as such, we make mistakes or we sin (a more intentional mistake, if you will). The people of Jerusalem did not want to believe that their sinful behavior would lead to destruction just as I didn’t see the long term consequences of my temper. But, as Christians, we have a remedy. For just as the Israelites were exiled from Jerusalem, so was Jesus. Forced to carry His cross out of the city to Calvary where He willfully surrendered His earthly life for us. His exile has allowed us to be exiled from our sin. From the mistakes of the past. We do not have to suffer our own individual Babylonian destruction because Jesus paid the price for those mistakes and all we have to do is follow His lead. And in doing so maybe keep the temple of our hearts strong and impenetrable. And the function of lamenting? It brings the reality of our sin front and center. Lamenting the sadness we experience when our behavior separates us from God can also help motivate us to turn repeatedly to be the person God meant us to be.
