If you’re an optimist, planting a garden might be kind of fun. (I admit I’m a “stay indoors” kind of guy, but bear with me here.) You get exercise as you dig up the ground. You get to be alone with your thoughts. The sun and the breeze might be pleasant. Who knows? You might even find pirate treasure buried in the plot of land you’re digging up!
But the planned rewards from the garden do not come directly from the act of preparing the garden. They come from the result of the garden having been prepared.
This simple analogy came to mind as I reflected on today’s readings, in particular, the reading from the First Letter to the Corinthians. I admit, my sleep-addled brain was jolted into interest when that passage began, “In regard to virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord . . .” Yikes! We’re getting “birds and bees” talk from Paul?! Well, not quite. Here, Paul advises against marrying, but also goes on to advise that those already married should remain so. Why? As he notes, “For the world in its present form is passing away.”
At the time of this letter, it seems like Paul felt that the coming of the Kingdom was happening any day, and strove to impart the wisdom of this immediacy as urgently as possible. So, what does this urgency have to do with his reluctance to have people get married?
A priest at one of my former parishes liked to repeat a truism. I don’t know the original source, but — the way he told it — it was along the lines of, “When you get married, you no longer have to worry just about getting to Heaven. Now, you have to worry about getting your spouse to Heaven, too.”
Now, hopefully you find happiness with your spouse. (If everything works out in accordance with God’s plan for marriage, you could quite likely be stuck with each other for a few decades, at least!) But the happiness you find with each other is not the purpose of marriage, per se.
To back up a bit: Why are we here? Well, the Baltimore Catechism had a simple answer that’s served as a good Catholic mantra: To know God, love God, and serve God in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in Heaven.
Now, you need to be careful (as Paul notes) as to where marriage intersects with that reason for being.
I suspect that, ideally, marriage is part of the “knowing God” and “serving God” bit. I like to think that I’ve learned a lot about charity, grace, compassion, and forgiveness from my wife (and Heaven knows she’s done more than the same for me!). And — ideally — we’re working together, to help serve God in this world: raising a good child, helping our community as we can (or supporting each other so we can support our community), and so on.
But society would have you believe that the marriage itself is the goal: “Happily ever after,” going on trips, building up your own fiefdom. But, as Paul notes, that’s not really what’s important.
The Gospel selection from Luke has the Sermon on the Plain that spells this out a bit more explicitly: “But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. But woe to you who are filled now, for you will be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will grieve and weep.”
In other words, if you view a relationship as an end unto itself, then you will have had your reward here. If you view marriage as being primarily for state-sanctioned sex, then you may well have enjoyable sex . . . but you will have received your reward here on the tangible world. (Again, this is why the Church speaks out against unnatural birth control and the like; it’s too likely to lead to using each other as objects rather than being with each other as partners.)
So, tending the garden may be enjoyable, but it has a goal whose purpose extends beyond that enjoyment: the fruit of the harvest. For those called to the vocation of marriage here on Earth, the marriage is not an end unto itself, but the “fruit” of that union should be getting you and your partner closer to God.
If your marriage is in trouble, pray for guidance and help, and do what you can to strengthen your covenant bond. Again, you’re a team, and the goal is to get to Heaven together.
If your marriage is going well, thank God! And then — if you don’t already do so — ask what you can do together to help bring about God’s kingdom here on Earth. (Or evaluate what you’re already doing and see if there’s more you can do.)
It’s interesting that the Sacrament of Marriage was administered by Jesus at the wedding of Cana, in the form of the miracle of wine. For wine is not a requirement of life; drinking it is not an end goal, but rather a means to a more noble end (socialization, relaxation, and community). So, too, is the wedding itself not a final goal, but the beginning of a life-long commitment to each other and to God. The journey can be tricky, but — for those so called — it is so worth it.
Today’s readings: 1 Cor 7:25-31; Ps 45:11-12,14-15,16-17; Lk 6:20-26
