Friday, March 15, 2019 – Resist the Urge to Vent Your Negativity

Jesus said in today’s gospel:

“But I say this to you: anyone who is angry with his brother will answer for it before the court; if a man calls his brother “Fool” he will answer for it before the Sanhedrin; and if a man calls him “Renegade” he will answer for it in hell fire. So then, if you are bringing your offering to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, go and be reconciled with your brother first, and then come back and present your offering. Come to terms with your opponent in good time while you are still on the way to the court with him, or he may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison. I tell you solemnly, you will not get out till you have paid the last penny.”

I watched a movie about near death experiences this week and have also researched this topic extensively for several years. What touched me the most is the “Life Review” that many people report experiencing in their near death experience. I think it is very applicable to today’s gospel.

Those who have experienced a Life Review in their near death experience said that you feel what the other person felt in your interactions with them. Every negative thing you said or did to others is turned around – so that you experience the feelings of hurt and pain that you caused the other person to suffer. Evidently, it is quite a painful experience. The ones who had this experience said they are very careful about how they treat other people now, because they do not want to go through it again.

I can not attest to the authenticity of near death experiences or the Life Review many claim to have experienced, but I don’t think they conflict with our Catholic teachings either. It sounds a little bit like purgatory.

In today’s gospel, Jesus said we will be held accountable for every harsh word we utter against another person. He encourages us to make things right with them while we can. If we don’t – it could be a much more painful experience later.

In fact, the Catholic belief in purgatory is based on this verse in today’s gospel:

“… or he may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison. I tell you solemnly, you will not get out till you have paid the last penny.”

Today’s gospel very much applies to our Lenten journey, or struggles to become a better Christian. I’m as guilty as anyone for losing my temper or saying something hurtful occasionally, even though I do genuinely try to reign in these negative feelings as much as possible.

Today’s gospel is a challenge to realize the effect that our negative words and actions has on the other person that we vent them on. We need to try to put ourselves in their shoes. We should try to anticipate how they might react to our words first, before we speak to the other person.

And, if we think we may have hurt someone’s feelings, it is very important to ask their forgiveness sooner, rather than later. If we delay in trying to set things right again, it could be too late. We may not have all the time in the world to do so.

Resisting the impulse to say something negative is hard, but it is a good place to start to grow in holiness this Lenten season.

About the Author

Hello! My name is Laura Kazlas. As a child, I was raised in an atheist family, but came to believe in God when I was 12 years old. I was baptized because of the words that I read in the bible. I later became a Catholic because of the Mass. The first time my husband brought me to Mass, I thought it was the most holy, beautiful sense of worshiping God that I had ever experienced. I still do! My husband John and I have been married for 37 years. We have a son, a daughter, and two granddaughters. We are in the process of adopting a three year old little girl. We live in Salem, Oregon in the United States. I currently serve as the program coordinator for Catholic ministry at a local maximum security men's prison. I‘m also a supervisor for Mount Angel Seminary’s field education program, in Oregon.

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8 Comments

  1. You are so right Laura…this has to be a glimpse at purgatory. This is the moment when its all on the table. What did you say? How did you leave it with your brother…or whoever? A true reconciling from the master. Thanks Laura for a real eye opener.

  2. Thank you, Laura. This reflection speaks to me as I know it’s an area I have to work hard on. Hopefully, through prayer, I’ll come out of Lent with a better habit of thinking before speaking. I’m trying hard to follow the old saying, if you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing.

  3. Thank you, Laura. You are absolutely right. One of my Lenten tasks is to not speak ill of others. I was doing this for my own benefit (for my soul). Thank you for opening up my eyes to seeing it for what it really is, a hurt that I am placing on others. Thank you for the awakening.
    Lord, help me to place the needs of others before my own. You love me so completely; help me to love others as you love me.

  4. Thanks, Laura, had lots to think about during my swim this morning. One thought that came to me: to feel the pain of another, you have to love them. It can’t hurt you, if you don’t have love for them.. And that’s beautiful: if purgatory is feeling that pain, it is also where we recognize our love for them. It’s so beautifully hopefu. Which purgatory is, of course, our continuing hope of Heaven.

  5. Thanks for the insight, Laura. Being prone to expressing what’s in my mind, there are instances wherein I’ve disregarded the other person’s feeling. Anyways, thank you for sharing about the life review. Will try to remember that. Count me in with that Lenten task, Lisa.

  6. Thanks Laura for sharing your thoughts on near death experiences and life review. I had read that purgatory was like reliving your experiences. I often try to review my past behaviours, especially with my mother. Even though I asked her forgiveness before she died, I still feel regret and wish I could go back in time and do things differently.

    While, I can look back at my transgressions and try to do something about them, I find it difficult not to have angry feelings at those who caused me so much pain (which I have written about and won’t go into it again). When I think I’m over the hurt, something pops up to bring the anger up again. I just returned from two weeks of vacation, and the first piece of my mail I opened was an invitation to the 40th anniversary of my former parish priest/boss’s ordination. I thought to myself, why on earth would they send me an invitation. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. I was going to throw the invitation in the garbage, then I thought perhaps I should slip it between the pages of my bible and revisit it later.

    Have a blessed weekend. God bless

  7. Sorry to everyone I may have offended with my comments. Next time I comment to disagree with the writers, I’ll try to rein in what I’m thinking and present it in a more thoughtful way.

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