Comments on: Thursday, December 19, 2019 – The struggle to give life

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Dec 2019 14:04:11 +0000

Dear Mary Jane, thank you for your reply, prayers, and suggestions. My wife is/was in a couple of groups as you suggested. I felt that after a year or so, going to those Fi groups was like picking a scab of an old wound – not letting it heal. Anyway, 4 + years down the road she is better, but not so much on holidays.
God Bless

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 21 Dec 2019 06:35:22 +0000

A— Just my own thoughts on your comments about “critical thinking” and artificial birth control… I think you’re saying that it’s important for couples to think critically about whether to have another child— taking into account financial resources, time, health, etc. So, couples should “think critically” about using artificial birth control to limit family size. The Church doesn’t teach that couples need to have as many children as possible and, in fact, the Church emphasizes that part of responsible parenthood is prayerfully discerning God’s will when it comes to family size issues. The Church teaches that couples should prayerfully discern whether to abstain from sex at times when it’s likely to lead to a child. I think a key distinction between “prayerful discernment” about abstaining from sex and “critical thinking” about using artificial birth control is the position of God in the family planning decision. In “prayerfully discerning” when to abstain from sex, couples respect God’s natural design of sex (the properties of sex aren’t altered when couples abstain from it), and couples make the abstinence decision in consultation with God. I am unsure where God stands when it comes to “thinking critically” about artificial birth control. On a practical note, I have found the Couple to Couple League’s online resources to be very helpful for learning about Natural Family Planning (NFP). Contrary to some perceptions, NFP is not “birth control for Catholics” because using it should be coupled with prayerful discernment.

By: Mary Jane

Mary Jane — Fri, 20 Dec 2019 16:18:37 +0000

I have not had a loss like yours – an adult child with mental illness – but not a terrible tragedy and loss like yours and your wife’s. There is s group – Parents of Murdered Children – maybe you could connect with to see if someone there can give you some insight into how they helped others cope. Sending a prayer your way.

By: A

Fri, 20 Dec 2019 02:31:13 +0000

How many Catholics use artifucial birth control? Raise your hands. I’m raising mine. I know that I could not have more children for health and financial reasons, so can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m choosing to be a relatively healthy (and alive!) parent to the kids I already have, instead of disabling myself further (or dying and leaving them with only one parent). I choose to provide shelter, food, clothing, and schooling to the kids I already have, instead of having more kids, and not being able to provide for them. We already live very frugally. It also boils down to time. We can’t divide time up even more, because our kids wouldn’t get enough time with us if it went to yet even more kids.

Yeah, a bunch of you use birth control, like me, because you have thought critically about the consequences of not using it. Keep thinking critically.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 19:05:08 +0000

Dear Mary Jane, I appreciate your response. My wife’s daughter was murdered 4 years ago and it still eats at her heart. She was like a daughter to me but I’m over it for the most part except hearing my wife grieve especially over holidays and anniversaries. Our daughters.
The guy who murdered our daughter turned the gun on himself after he murdered our daughter. I feel it was a blessing in disguise. Had he not turned the gun on himself we could still be waiting for some type of conviction which would have really tore my wife’s heart out. She went to confession over her unforgiving heart and the priest told her to pray for her daughters murderer which I understood and agree but it went over my wife like a led balloon.
So, now we still muddle through holidays. I do pray for her but still – yet…
Have you or anyone else on this site had a child murdered? Tell me how it effected you and your other family members.
I’m not being sarcastic here but just explaining the pain I’ve wittinessed and why I feel the way I do.

By: Mary Jane

Mary Jane — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 16:19:06 +0000

To anonymous thinking on tough decisions … of course as Dan said we cannot know the mind of God. But Jesus did let us know to love one another and to love God – the 2 most important commandments. Jesus never renounced his Jewish faith or the 10 commandments – we should not kill – even when it seems right or fair? We shouldn’t. We would bring heaven on earth if we could all do this. If we didn’t kill murderers what lessons could we learn? What could they learn from us?
If we love one another we try to lessen another’s pain…we try to save lives …although some of us focus on one over the other at some times …as of course not all lives can be saved and not all pain can be relieved. I have experienced emotional pain but never any real physical pain for too long. Sometimes I look back on those times of emotional pain and I cherish the people who were there for me – I remember their love and support. We are there for each other – even with our pain we are bringing blessings into others lives by those connections of love and by inspiring others to love and give more of themselves.
Life is not easy and it’s messy but it seems to be a gift that we should not throw away and that we should treat with the most loving care. Some people may have emotional scars or terrible mental illnesses that we cannot understand. Sometimes we make terrible decisions. Sometimes people who seem to have no remorse change and learn to love others…sometimes they don’t. Are there grey areas? Extending life..defending our own lives…each individual situation to be considered.
You are not a bad Catholic for what you feel and you are right to question and think critically about all these issues.
The words of Jesus are so very clear and he told so many stories to illustrate those concepts. It is inspiring to read his words …and thank God for the Catholic Moment writers for spending time reflecting on them and helping us understand 🙂
Grace and peace to you and all of us. In sharing your thoughts today you have given me a gift of deeper reflection.

By: J

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 15:28:47 +0000

Love is about giving yourself to your spouse and to God – every moment of your married life – and being open to the gift of life …
Loved it!
Please pray that my friend Amanda’s nerve ablation gets rescheduled to this week to decrease her pain. Thank you.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 14:38:41 +0000

Beautiful reflection this morning. We too struggled with infertility. We adopted two boys and then bore two more children. We are so blessed! Trust in the Lord because He always has a plan. And remember God’s timing is not always what we would have planned.