Elise and I went to San Francisco last week to visit her Stepmom who is in an independent living facility in San Rafael, north of the Golden Gate Bridge. Got to spend some quality time with her, her daughter and son-in-law. Elise’s Dad passed away a few years ago and it would have been easy to just let the relationship with his wife (Elise’s parents divorced when she was 19) just sort of drift away. But to her credit, Elise has kept in touch and it has been good for everyone involved. But this is just a lead-in to explain why I was on an airplane this weekend returning home. And while on that plane I watched a movie. It was called Roman J. Israel, Esquire and starred Denzel Washington. Who is an amazing actor.
The movie features Washington playing the role of Roman Israel, an attorney who suffers from autism. He is highly functional in that he is adept at doing research for court cases, with the information used by his business partner during litigation. He also has a focus on civil rights legislation. Israel, however, is not capable of appearing in court or having productive interactions with clients and other attorneys as a result of his autism. The arrangement he has of working behind the scenes seems to serve him well. Until his partner dies from a heart attack thrusting Roman into the role of a court attorney. He quickly learns that, in addition to wealth the position brings him, it also brings stress to his life, and the need to compromise his ethics in order to survive in this new world. It also takes him away from his focus on civil rights. When an illegal maneuver he makes with a client who is accused of murder threatens to have him disbarred, guilt begins to overwhelm him. He retracts back into his own world, shunning relationships and tearing down his career. He finds temporary peace when he comes clean with his crimes and leaves the corporate world that caused him to compromise his virtues. I will leave the end unrevealed for those who elect to see the movie.
Unresolved guilt. We see it in Roman Israel and in today’s first reading from 1 Maccabees 6:1-13. In this section we see King Antiochus, the Seleucid ruler. The Seleucids were a faction of the Greek Empire and Antiochus led the empire for a time. During his reign he attempted to undermine the people of Judah by defiling the Temple and Jewish worship. He erected statues to the Greek god, Zeus and had pigs sacrificed on the altars of the temple. We read earlier this week of how he had tried to get a Jewish scribe, Eliezer, to go against Jewish dietary law by eating pork in front of his countrymen.
But things turn quickly against Antiochus. His armies begin losing battles against the Israelites and then have to retreat to avoid being overrun. Antiochus’ defeats would lead to the rise of the Maccabees and the brief restoration of the Kingdom of Judah, before Roman occupation. Antiochus’ response to decline of his kingdom? He confines himself to his bedroom in despair and falls ill:
“When the king heard this news, he was struck with fear and very much shaken.
Sick with grief because his designs had failed, he took to his bed. There he remained many days, overwhelmed with sorrow, for he knew he was going to die.”
But here is the thing. It is not just these defeats that cause the Seleucid King to be shaken. He fears that it was his past behaviors…his past sins that have been the driving force for his army’s failures.
I said to myself: ‘Into what tribulation have I come, and in what floods of sorrow am I now!
Yet I was kindly and beloved in my rule.’ But I now recall the evils I did in Jerusalem,
when I carried away all the vessels of gold and silver that were in it, and for no cause
gave orders that the inhabitants of Judah be destroyed. I know that this is why these evils have overtaken me; and now I am dying, in bitter grief, in a foreign land.”
His grief. His illness. His isolation. All stem from the guilt he is experiencing as a consequence of the evils he inflicted on the people of Judah. Unconfessed and unrepentant sin. While Antiochus acknowledged his evil acts, he in no way expressed sorrow for them or tried to make amends. The bottled up guilt ate at him until he was overwhelmed by it.
And what about us? I recall a time very clearly where my behaviors prohibited me from receiving Jesus in the Eucharist for several weeks. I felt as though I was an outsider at Mass. Not able to fully participate in worship and not able to join my soul with Jesus’ After receiving the sacrament of confession I was once again able to take the Lord’s body into my own. I recall the song that the choir sung during communion at that Mass. It was “I am the Bread of Life“ (Click on the link for the lyrics). The peace and joy that I felt that morning was palpable. A wall of guilt crumbled and my connection with God was restored. I no longer had an unwieldy load on my shoulders to carry around. A joy that Antiochus never experienced.
God wants to forgive us. He wants to wipe the slate clean as he did for the “Good Thief” that was at Jesus’ side during the crucifixion. Roman Israel found a way to unload his guilt and you and I can do the same. No matter what we do. No matter what the sin or how many people it touched. God calls us back and wipes the slate clean. Don’t be an Antiochus. Be a Roman.
