I recall experiencing loneliness twice in my life. I am sure there were others but these are the two circumstances where I definitely remember feeling alone. They both involve college. After I graduated high school in New Jersey, I moved to Southern Illinois to attend Southern Illinois University. I lived in the dormitories there. Felts Hall on Thompson Point. It was a great time and I ended up making some outstanding friends and had wonderful experiences. But not so in the beginning. I knew no one. I had never lived that far away from home. Yes, I chose this school in order to experience something other than New Jersey. But I did not anticipate this degree of feeling alone. I recall walking or riding my bike around campus and studying at the library by myself. I was out of my element. But then I found myself on the basketball court behind my dorm. Basketball was always a go to for me. When things were not going right I would grab a ball and start shooting. Replicating the shooting posture of my favorite New York Knick players. Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, Earl “The Pearl” Monroe. Then the coolest thing happened. This guy just showed up to shoot with me. We played some pretty competitive one-on-one games. He knew I was from the east based on the way I played. We became fast friends. Ken Parsons. Ken and I ended up coaching a girl’s intramural basketball team together. We actually got together a couple summers ago in Minneapolis as Elise and I were headed to a western camping trip.
The second time was a bit more intense. I had transferred up to the University of Illinois as a Junior in order to increase my chance of getting into the veterinary school there. But I knew no one at the school. Plus I did not live in a dorm. No ready made friends. I moved into an efficiency apartment off campus. It was a significant walk onto the Quad, the main recreation/study area on campus. So I spent a lot of time in my apartment. At times it felt like the walls were closing in. Then I met Andy across the hall. I may have mentioned him before as someone who helped me reconnect with my faith. He introduced me to others in the ministry and through them I met others in different groups and I got the confidence to make friends with people in my classes.
What was the common denominator in getting over the loneliness in the two examples above? I would say it was community. Getting involved with other people in multiple activities. Losing the sense of being stuck in a sense of self only. We see this with St. Paul today in his letter to Timothy. Paul is getting closer to his death by martyrdom and he is aware of it. He speaks of how many of his supporters have left him as he gets closer and closer to the end. Demas, Crescens, and Titus all walk away from him either because of losing their faith or being drawn back to the world. He experiences loneliness. The only person he has by his side is Luke, the Evangelist. So what does he do? He draws others to him. He writes to Timothy, his mentee. He asks for him to come to Rome as soon as he can. He asks Timothy to bring Mark along and to bring his cloak, papyrus rolls and parchments. Writing implements so that he can reach out to the communities he had formed. He reaches out to develop community.
I have a good friend who I group with each week as part of our Cursillo community. We have been meeting for over 10 years. We made our weekend together and we were in the same small group table. He will know who I am talking about since he reads my reflections every week. During our weekend the subject of going to church came up. His comment was that he did not see any reason to go to church since you could pray directly to God at home. He remembers this moment very clearly because I unloaded on him. I said, first, I am betting that you don’t pray at home. Secondly, how can you receive Jesus in the Eucharist from home. And third, this is where St. Paul comes in, how can you have community if you remain at home. We are made for community. If the person who got him to make a Cursillo weekend did not belong to a church, it would have been very unlikely that he would have been motivated to ask Bob to make a weekend. And what about the support you can get, and GIVE, to others in your church community as well opportunities to become better educated in the faith. After all, if you have a hobby, don’t you join a club to be with like-minded individuals?
We are meant for community. Not isolation. Paul knew this. Our Lord knew this. He could have easily accomplished what he needed to do without the apostles. But He was here partially to build a Church. And He needed a community to do that. To carry on after His ascension. Now I am not saying that loneliness cannot be signs of clinical depression that needs counseling and, at times, medication. But I think that the cure for much of the loneliness in our culture is…what else…people! Kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? And where is the best place to meet people of faith? Church. Again, a no brainer. St. Luke was Ken and Andy to St. Paul. A stabilizing force that encouraged Paul to seek out others.
So if you are experiencing loneliness or isolation, get up and GO to church. Not just go to church. JOIN a church. And not just join a church. Get INVOLVED at church. Be community. It is why God made us.
