You Need to Say What You Don’t Need to Say

Jesus and His Father
There’s an old joke/cliché about a wife who complained about the decades of never being told “I love you” by her taciturn husband. When confronted with this, the husband grumbled, “Why should I? I told her I loved her 38 years ago when we got married; if anything changed, I’d let her know.”

All of today’s readings are concerned with matters that we already know. The reading from the Acts of the Apostles is part of Paul’s farewell speech at Miletus. It’s an emotional speech – as would be expected – but most of what Paul says is echoed in earlier words of Christ and other parts of the Bible. What is the reason for Paul’s speech? He’s not telling them much that’s new. In fact, it feels like Paul has hit these points time and again with all who would listen: “In every way I have shown you . . .” Why does Paul feel the need to use his last opportunity to speak to the faithful of Miletus what they already know?

The Gospel of John has a similar flavor. This time, it’s Christ making a prayer to the Holy Father, on behalf of the faithful. Again, much of this petition isn’t new, per se: “But now I am coming to you. I speak this in the world so that they may share my joy completely. I gave them your word, and the world hated them, because they do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world.” Jesus is leaving this world soon. Those who follow the path of Christ will have a harder life in this world, because we are not of this world. Jesus has expressed similar ideas before.

Jesus continues, “Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world. And I consecrate myself for them, so that they also may be consecrated in truth.” Jesus has been about nothing but the truth his entire life; his followers and disciples – the very ones who would have overheard this prayer – would know that.

Again, what purpose is Jesus’ prayer serving? Certainly the Father knows everything, so it’s not like Jesus is cluing him in on anything. We don’t need his prayer to know that Jesus knows what he’s talking about, as his wisdom in such matters has been unassailable. And the nature of his prayer does not serve as revelation so much as encapsulation. “Your word is truth.” Anyone who follows Christ and God knows that already, so what’s the point?

The human experience is such that the act of saying makes that which is known into something tangible. This is one of the fundamental truths behind the Sacrament of Reconciliation. After all, God knows what sins we’ve committed. We know what sins we’ve committed. But it is the act of saying what sins we’ve committed that helps transform what is known of our sins into the tangible reality of our forgiveness.

Likewise, when I tell my wife or son, “I love you,” I don’t “need” to do that. They already know I love them, and I like to think I prove I do constantly, through my deeds. But that doesn’t change the need to make what we all “know” into something real. I make those “known truths” tangible through the expression of my words: “I love you. I appreciate what you do for me. Thank you for being a part of my life.” I pray earnestly I don’t let years go by letting truths go unsaid.

What truths do you keep silent that you ought to give voice to? What do the people who love or respect you need to hear, even if you know they already know? What do you need to say to God, to make it more real to you? Take a moment and be consecrated in the truth. God’s word is the truth. Perhaps now is exactly the right time to say what you don’t need to say.

About the Author

Despite being a professional writer and editor for over 15 years, Steven Marsh is more-or-less winging it when it comes to writing about matters of faith. Steven entered the church in 2005, and since then he's been involved with various ministries, including Pre-Cana marriage prep for engaged couples, religious education for kindergarteners, and Stephen Ministry's one-on-one caregiving. Steven lives in Indiana with his wife and son. Despite having read the entirety of the Bible and the Catechism of the Catholic Church, he's still surprised at elements he rediscovers or reflects upon in new ways. The more Steven learns about the faith, the less he feels he knows; he's keen to emphasize that any mistakes are his own.

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2 Comments

  1. Steven! You said it all!! Beautifully written.
    This story began with my daughter/husband, no real communication. Then on Relavant Radio, call ins expressing their lack of love/communication. Then your expression of “lack of communication”.
    Pray for me when I try to pass this on- to my daughter the help I have learned from all of you and our Holy Spirit. I thank you!

  2. Thank you for the kind words, Helen. My wife and I help with Pre-Cana marriage preparation classes in our parish, and our presentation topic is communication… so it’s a topic very dear to my heart.

    Best wishes at the love of Christ helping us find our ears and voices, and I’ll keep you all in my prayers.

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