Monday 8/7/2017 – Oh Lord, just kill me now!

Holy scripture is a wonderful thing – spiritually uplifting, inspirational, historical in many ways.

But I often wish the divinely inspired authors of our Old and New testaments would have included a “Book of Murmurs and Mutters” to give us even more insight into the human qualities of “saintly” biblical characters.

After all, they were just like us. They put on one sandal at a time. They had real jobs and real concerns in their lives.

Sometimes I wonder what they were thinking or muttering to themselves as they made their way to and from an encounter with God. What did they murmur in the “gray areas” of Scripture.

Did Noah walk away from God thinking: “Where are we going to find all those nails on short notice?” Did Jonah walk out of the fish, thankful for his life but desperately seeking a bar of soap and a shower?

I also have to wonder what Moses was muttering to himself as he made his walk toward his face-to-face with God.

As you can tell in today’s first reading, Moses was pretty frustrated about the complaints he had been hearing over and over and OVER again. The people of Israel had been given their freedom at the hands of God, with Moses leading the way.

Yet they complained about their fears, their thirst, their hunger. (Times were tough … I suppose I would have complained, myself.)

But Moses had heard enough … and he laid it out for our Lord.

“Why do you treat your servant so badly?” Moses asked the LORD. “Why are you so displeased with me that you burden me with all this people?

Was it I who conceived all this people? Or was it I who gave them birth, that you tell me to carry them at my bosom, like a foster father carrying an infant, to the land you have promised under oath to their fathers?

Where can I get meat to give to all this people? For they are crying to me, ‘Give us meat for our food.’ I cannot carry all this people by myself, for they are too heavy for me.

If this is the way you will deal with me, then please do me the favor of killing me at once, so that I need no longer face this distress.”

Yup … that was Moses, the holy man of God, telling his Creator to just “kill me now.”

But let’s dial it back.

Imagine the thoughts going through Moses’ mind as he rehearsed his little speech to God:

“You know, I had it pretty good in Egypt. Nice clothes. Got to build cities. Beautiful women everywhere. What am I doing here?”

Or this:

“I knew I should have avoided that burning bush. I am so crazy. Why didn’t I just turn around, go about my business and be done with all this?”

These are the kinds of doubts we all carry in our hearts whenever we are called by God to do something that seems impossible – or at least incredibly burdensome.

We are often told we should pray for our priests and our pastors. Why? They’re closer to God than we are … they don’t need our prayers. Life is easy for them. They work, what, one day a week? (Just kidding Father).

The truth is this: Characters such as Moses, Elijah, Mary, the Apostles, the Saints … they were all pretty normal people up until the moment they encountered God. Same with our priests, deacons, religious women and others who follow vocations of the highest sort.

They meet God, for real, and their lives are never the same.

Moses had to be thinking this as he walked past the tents on his way to speak to God, listening to the cries and complaints of his people.

Kill. Me. Now.

Those are pretty powerful words, but it shows just how difficult it must have been for Moses to deal with humanity.

Think of how difficult it is for our pastors to deal with us. We have needs. We have complaints. We have their phone numbers on speed dial.

Pray for them. Always.

Let’s also pray for one another.

You know, life is pretty simple before we meet God.

No matter who or where you are … think back to the circumstances in your life before you converted or before you were baptized into your faith.

There were probably a lot of things you never worried about. The poor, perhaps. The homeless. Prisoners. The sick and dying.

But like scales falling from your eyes, your religious conversion opened you up to that seemingly impossible task of dealing with humanity. And it can be daunting.

So much suffering around the globe. So much pain. Hunger. It can be maddening to think what it would take to solve all those problems. And it  would seem completely normal for you to simply toss up your hands and say, “Lord, forget it. These are your people, not mine. Leave me alone.”

Alas, it’s not so simple to run away when something – or Someone – tugs at your heart and opens your eyes.

I picture the daily struggle experienced by Mother Theresa in Calcutta as she cared for the worst of the worst.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your life will be much easier if you simply draw closer to God.

Quite the contrary. The more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you fall in love with His flock.

And let’s face it, that flock is not always pretty.

But let’s follow the example set by Moses and all the saints. Let us not ever give up on humanity – which has its challenges but is always full of potential.

About the Author

Dan McFeely is a Carmel, Indiana, writer, communications business owner, book editor and a former professional journalist. Dan also works as an Adult Faith Formation Minister, currently serving as a spiritual director for the men's and women's Christ Renews His Parish program at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church in Carmel. He is a graduate of the Ecclesial Lay Ministry program offered by the Diocese of Lafayette-in-Indiana and has studied theology at Marian University.

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10 Comments

  1. What you have written is so so true, you have hit the nail on the head, and in the process clarified and crystallised for me the struggles we go through and the hardships we encounter as children of God. I myself question the lord and his sanity at times and wonder if he is getting to old for his job. ( smile). Then answer my self that he is all knowing and aging is something that happens here on earth. So I go back to talking and praying with the almighty one. But I think we all need to whinge, mourn and grumble just to prove we are human. God Bless

  2. Thanks! It’s nice to get a message across with humour once in a while. Life is tough; sometimes you’ve just got to lighten up, put things in perspective, let go, and let God.

  3. Thanks Dear Brother,
    There is 100% truth in your statement “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your life will be much easier if you simply draw closer to God”. Whenever i feel weighed down by pain and trials, i remember Mother Mary – by saying “Yes” to God, Life was not a bed of roses for her – but Her firm faith made her strong. i pray that God bless us all with a firm faith to carry on in life.

  4. God bless u for always breaking this bulky messages into bits so we can them swallow with ease. More grace

  5. Thank you, Dan. Your reflection spoke to me. Since my conversion my life has gotten more difficult all the way around, and the cross get heavy at times. I forget to let Jesus take the other end and I want to control how I hold it, and when I want to put it down! Such is my human weakness, it is encouraging and also a little discouraging to see people like Moses struggle with the tasks God placed before him. Thank you for spelling it out in a way that puts us all in the same boat. God bless.

  6. It is always easy to complain when going gets tough and yes, it is easy to raise our arms and say Lord, I give up. But we know its not that easy. Once we have said, Yes, the 1st time, it has to be Yes all the way. The secret according to another good writer is to always have Jesus in everything. He said as he recalled of Saint Teresa – Teresa alone can do nothing. Teresa and maravedi can do nothing much. Teresa, maravedi and Jesus, can do much. Let us not forget that in everything, let us call on the Lord. Thank you, Dan.

  7. Thank you. I keep a journal with nuggets of wisdom that I come across to be able to reflect on again and again. “The more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you fall in love with His flock. And let’s face it, that flock is not always pretty.” Is my newest addition.

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