As I walked into the kitchen this morning I caught a glimse of my husband’s dress shoes sitting next to his chair and something stirred inside of me. It was just a little after 6 AM and Scott had already been hard at work for well over an hour in his upstairs office – I could hear the clicking of his computer keypad. As I stopped and looked at those shoes my heart filled with a deep sense of appreciation for all he does for our family. After 28 years of marriage and 33 years together I am still madly in love with this man. While I had certainly experienced deep love and appreciation for Scott many times before, this moment held a certain beautiful newness.
Yet, God wasn’t done with me, he was about to reveal more about love. As I continued over to the coffee maker my heart filled with greater love and appreciation for Scott. He not only works hard to support our family, he is an honest man of integrity who unselfishly gives to the kids and me. Without his financial and emotional support I would not be free to care for my family the way I do, nor would I be able to do my work – including writing my reflections. Admittedly, I live a blessed life and I do not take my life for granted. I took the moment in, standing at the coffee maker. It was rather glorious.
Divine Love
Then all of the sudden my heart opened wider – I experienced a deeper love for my husband. In addition to holding romantic love and appreciation for him, I experienced a love that must be congruent with God’s love for him. I remember thinking to myself that this must be a portion of God’s divine love. Immediately I loved Scott simply because God loves him and God created him. My love for Scott had nothing to do with me – it was all about God and God’s love for him. All at once I held appreciation, romantic love, and a “higher” love for my husband in my heart. I experienced Scott as being wholly loved by God. Of course I have “known” that God loves my husband beyond my understanding; however, miraculously, at this moment I was actually experiencing a portion of this elevated love. I was on a bit of a spiritual high as I stood in my kitchen.
My Petition
Reflecting on this awareness I was drawn to a recent recurring petition of mine, a petition I offer as I receive the Eucharist. During Mass, as I walk back to my pew after receiving the Eucharist, I have been trying to open myself more fully to God. I have been asking God to take away all my fear, my unbelief, and any part of my body, heart, and soul that interferes with my complete surrender to him. Then I ask God to heal the wounds those fear based patterns caused so I can love more – so I can love like God loves. I do this being mindful of the words of the Baptist.
“He must increase; I must decrease.” – John 3:30-35 (NABRE)
God’s Faithfulness
God, of course, is always faithful. My experience this morning was evident of that. However; I have certainly had many struggles throughout my life – several of them have brought me to the brink of despair. Through these struggles my heart has grow in empathy, compassion, and love for others – especially for my husband. All of this has been done under the perfect guidance of our loving Triune God. Under his care my heart has grown in forgiveness and understanding. Over the last 15 or so years I have been called to turn to God in prayer and surrender during hard moments in life. Often times retreating to the Adoration Chapel in my parish, quietly surrendering all of who I am to God. And this is the message I experienced in today’s Gospel.
Jesus’ Words
Looking at Jesus’ seemingly ominous words in today’s Gospel we see how dangerous anger and unforgiveness are. Jesus warns us that carrying anger or unforgiveness causes us to be “liable to fiery Gehenna”. Jesus even reminds us that we are liable for the pain we inflict upon another. If we have hurt or offended our brother we must make things right as best we can. Jesus calls us to avoid committing our own inequities while he also calls us to seek and offer forgiveness.
Seeking freedom and happiness requires that we seek love, true Love with a capitol “L”. Love, in turn, calls us into humility and forgiveness. It has taken me a long time to arrive at this understanding, decades really. Surrendering to Love requires an emptying of self and tearing down everything that interferes with our full surrender to our Triune God.
God’s grace and mercy abounds without limits and God desires that all of his children come home to him – saints and sinners alike. God sees our pain, he lived it in the body of Jesus Christ. Our God, our King, who out of all humility became man, continually beckons us towards himself – we only need to grab hold of the lifelines he extends toward us.
Say to them, As I live, says the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways; for why will you die, O house of Israel? – Ezekiel 33:11
Divine Lifelines
During this Lenten season we are blessed with gentle reminders of these lifelines. As our Church teaches us, the three primary lifelines that connect us with God are prayer, fasting and almsgiving. I am trying to spend more time with our Triune God this Lenten Season in an attempt to decrease so that there is nothing left of me – except Him. I am only beginning to understand how beautiful this surrender is. Please pray for me that I continue in my surrender and that I decrease as God desires.
Our Prayer Community
Our little prayer community holds a special place in my heart and I find myself randomly offering up prayers for us. I have certainly experienced an increase in my faith since our prayer community was born. Sometimes I “see” us all together praising God, while offering love and support to one another. It’s a rather beautiful vision for me.
If you would like to add your prayer request so that we can all pray for you please do so below. If you would like to privately email me your prayer request I invite you to do so. Also, I invite you to share answers to your prayers with our little community as well.
God bless all of you. See you next week Friday – Carolyn
God the Father – continue to open our hearts so they can receive an increase of your Love.
God the Son – unite our hearts with your Sacred Heart so they become a beautiful place for you to dwell.
God the Holy Spirit – come into the parts of our hearts that find it hard to love and heal them so they can love more.
Today’s Readings: Ezekiel 18:21-28; Psalm 130:1-2, 3-4, 5-7A, 7BC-8; Matthew 5:20-26
